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Special Analysis Machine

One day Pete complained to his friend, “My elbow really hurts. I guess I should go see a doctor.”

His friend says, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it, and it only costs $10.”

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with urine and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured the sample and deposited the $10 bucks. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:

*You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy labour. You will heal in two weeks.*

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try.

He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from the dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10 bucks. The machine made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis:
* * Your tap water is too hard. Get a softener.
* * Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti fungal shampoo.
* * Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehab clinic.
* * Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
* * And if you don’t stop jerking off, your elbow will NEVER heal

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