Old Lady and a German
This little old lady is walking her dog around the local lake. It is a cold morning and the lake is still frozen. All of a sudden her little dog spots a a duck on the ice and runs out to bite the sh*t out of it.
The dog falls through the ice and the little old lady starts chucking a wobbler....
"Help, help.... my dog has fallen into the lake".
Watching all the commotion is a German jogger who sprints over to the lady and says "Vot is zee matter viv your dog; can I za help?"
"Oh yes please" says the old lady, so the jogger wades in and saves the dog and puts it on the bank beside the old lady.
"Oh you are so kind, are you a vet?"
"VET", replied the German.... "VET.... I'm f*cking soaked!"