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Men and Women: The Facts

*The Differences*

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

*The Workplace*

When a man gives his opinion, he’s a man.

When a woman gives her opinions, she’s a bitch.

*Relationships*

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Dogs are a man’s best friend.

Now you know which sex is smarter.

*Commitment*

Most men’s primary fantasy is still, unfortunately, access to a number of beautiful women. For a man, commitment means giving up this fantasy.

Most women’s primary fantasy is a relationship with one man who either provides economic security or is on his way to doing so (he has “potential”).

For a woman, commitment to this type of man means achieving this fantasy. So commitment often means that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up.

*Love*

Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man’s last romance.

The only way to understand a woman is to love her – and then it isn’t necessary to understand her.

To women, love is an occupation. To men, a preoccupation.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

*Marriage*

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.

Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.

*The Battle*

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

*On Men*

If you women knew what we were thinking, you’d never stop slapping us.

*On Women*

God made man before woman to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

Jokes by Category > Marriage jokes

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