Two Tier Health Service
A new hospital opened in London and The Queen had arrived to open it, and be shown some of the new wards. The head doctor started to show The Queen around the place and they eventually came to the first ward. The Queen was shocked to see the man in the first bed masturbating.
"Holy shit!" She cried.
"Oh, don't be alarmed," said the doctor, "this is quite an unusual condition, where the man has to keep masturbating, or his balls will swell like footballs and burst."
So, they move on down the ward with the usual broken legs and the odd heart attack, until they come across a bed with a screen around it. The Queen looks in and sees a nurse up on all fours on the bed, giving the man a blow job.
"Holy shit!" the Queen cries again.
"Don't worry!" Says the doctor "It's the same condition as bed number one, but he's on BUPA".